In case you don’t follow me on Twitter, I have some news to share. On the 25th December 2016, I got engaged. Yup. That’s right. This Strong Independent Woman is going to be a Strong Independent Wife.
Honestly, I am beyond excited to plan my wedding (and, y’know, marry the love of my life too I suppose!). But, contrary to popular belief, I will not be having a feminist wedding. Nope, this gal is going to be sticking to tradition and fully living up to the patriarchy’s expectations. So, without further ado, this is what my Very (Un) Feminist Wedding is going to look like!
I will be wearing white
Yes, yes, I know. White is a symbol of purity (which I am not) and virginity (which is a made up concept), and by wearing white on my wedding day I’m buying into the myth that not only is the ideal woman sexually innocent, but she is also waiting to be conquered by her new owner (read: husband). But goddamnit I will be wearing white on my wedding day.
Okay, that’s not strictly true. I’ll probably be wearing ivory or cream or off-white. And by the end of the evening it’ll probably be stained with chocolate and champagne and God know’s what else. But, for the sake of simplicity, white. Feminists of the world, forgive me.
My father will be giving me away
Because obviously I am the property of the men in my life, and I must, therefore be ritualistically handed over to my new keeper.
Honestly though, I think the act will be more symbolic for my father than me. After 21 years of paying for my education, funding my shoe habit, and buying me dinner out, my dad can finally hand his most costly possession over to someone else!
I will be taking my husband’s last name
Mainly just so that I can be Mrs. (Always) Wright.
There will be no such thing as choice
To top-off my Very (Un) Feminist Wedding, I will be sacrificing my feminist ideal of freedom of choice and dictating exactly what everyone else around me must do. My wedding, my rules. So there!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little glimpse into my Very (Un) Feminist Wedding! Let me know in the comments if you have any ideas for other ways I can sacrifice my ideology in the name of one Big Day!